Tuesday, 16 June 2009
You know how when you are on holiday or at an important party with all your friends and you really want to capture the moments for your memory bank, but you are so busy ENJOYING the moments that stopping to break out of it and photograph it feels wrong?
That is kinda how I have been feeling about this particular time of pregnancy. I know I am going to want to remember little things, what I am feeling, what steps we are taking to get ready, what is happening, but I kind of can't be arsed.
Is that weird? It is like I am so happy In It that I don't want to break the spell to look at things more closely or record them.
This does not bode well for me keeping baby journals, does it. I find I am getting lazier about those kinds of things. We still haven't ordered (shhhh) our Cambridge wedding photos from 3 years ago. Nor have we really put our DC wedding ones in any kind of album.
All the baby stuff I have -- maternity papers, stuff from the doctor, etc. are shoved into a blue folder named "Baby". I have not organized anything official. The few things we have bought are sitting piled up in the office. Unsorted. Un -cooed about.
I haven't really gotten a jones to shop for small adorable things. Or large and practical ones either.
I kind of want to just read novels and sleep and go for walks. The End.
Lexie put it nicely -- that I am providing a House. A safe shelter that is constant and stable and not too hot and not too cool and is sturdy and quiet. Nothing too jiggley. No sudden movements.
Somehow that gives me a little more permission to be quiet about it all. Be a Safe House.
Perhaps I wake up a bit more to be more conscious about what kind of House I am and pay a bit more attention to the inner workings.
As soon as I take one more nap.