Thursday, 5 November 2009

what is oddly surprising to me

  • That new parents REALLY do not sleep. I know it was mentioned, but somehow it never really hit home.
  • That I -- a 9-10-hour-in love-with-my-bed sleeper -- is surviving *barely* on 5-7 hours of broken sleep.
  • That "Sleep When He Sleeps" would be hard. I lov(ed) naps and prided myself on my ability to sleep easily. Now if I try to catch an hour or so when the monkey is post feed dozing, I lie awake in stiff hyper vigilance, awaiting the inevitable whimper before it becomes murderess cry, twitching with exhaustion.
  • Murderous cry ... all the midwives in the hospital and home visits have remarked on his "powerful cry" ... it makes your guts churn and your heart break. We know when he has something to say.
  • Home visits! Good NHS ... we had a midwife/saviour visit our home nearly every day for the first 10 days. What a god-send to have a nice lady come and weight your babe, answer all your ridiculous questions, show you what you are doing wrong w your breastfeeding, and generally make you feel competent. Now we have a health home visitor nurse who checks in on us until we are ready to start going to the Doctor office. Amazing service!
  • My own melt down hour happens at 5-7 pm when it gets dark, I am still exhausted by the night before and worried about the night ahead. Especially if I had a failed Sleep When He Sleeps nap. Cue the tears and the anxiety.
  • Every morning I want to get out of bed, shower, put on real clothes, lipstick and participate in the world. If it wasn't so daunting.
  • Vulnerability. Hormones. Sleep Deprivation. All make me very needy spouse clinging for all support.
  • Missing 1:1 husband time. Already. When do we get to focus on each other? I didn't realise how important that is to my well being. I rely on it!
  • 2 weeks post birth and my body is shrinking back. THAT feels amazing!
  • Watching Mark with the boy makes my heart grow 10 times over
  • No shame. After c section and lots of breastfeeding lessons, 5 day hospital stay, I am far less shy about my body then pre babe. It has a different purpose now.
  • How fun it is to get to know our boy... his funny noises and freakishly strong arms, his serious old man expressions and his eyes as they occasionally make the focus to my face with vague recognition. He is delicious.
  • How I feel my molecules rearranging into something new, different and unknown. Motherhood.

Sunday, 1 November 2009

12 days after birth

  • eyelashes coming in
  • sleeping 3.5- 6 hours at a shot
  • gaining 2 oz a day
  • outgrowing smallest outfits
  • discovering and admitting my own melt down hour
  • trying desperately to sleep when he sleeps and insure a daytime nap
  • seeing Mark as baby whisperer and ultimate Lewis calmer
  • witnessing more consciousness emerge when we lock eyes
  • adorable baby sneezes and hiccups
  • setting up nursing station with laptop, jug of water, ipod, pillows, remote, blankets, house phone, reading material, snax and mobile phone.
  • giving up being house chef and laundry folder to allow Mark to showcase his skills
  • out and about in slings -- enduring the curious stares -- and questions "is that a dog in there? you shouldn't carry a dog like that."
  • being in charge of Input and Mark in charge of Output (wonder how long I can get away with that one)
  • feeding like a champ. both of us
  • falling more in love everyday