|photo from http://abeautifulmessinside.com|
It has a nice, even, symmetrical quality about it, even if it is a number that feels a bit too big and a bit too foreign. In my mind, I think about 38 is right.
Even more so, since I am now 21 weeks pregnant with a baby girl child.
Being 44 and half-way there to birth is far more knackering that it was at 41.
I am tired and not so very patient. Makes me want to take a bit of stock on just what and where I am today on my birthday eve.
pregnant almost 44
- OK, we covered that
- often blank of mind when I have 10 minutes of quiet
- in love with my bed
- illogically laundry obsessed
- disinterested in most current affairs
- nervous if I don't have both a book to read and a book to listen to
- eating much cheese
- scared to drive our newly acquired car (I haven't driven in the UK since the DAY of my test. In 2006. Hello)
- worried about having 2 children drain my waning energies
- worried that child 1 will be sad not to have his mum all to himself
- worried that I have no recall on how to care for actual baby
- realising this list is not as whimsical and light as I imagined it
- trying now to think of really positive things
- blank of mind
OK. Let me try something else ... here's what I want for my 44th year
- family hugs
- embracing change
- ever expanding love supply for all my important people including myself
- financial stability
- ability to find the silly
- be the best mother, partner, daughter and friend I can be
- appreciate the many magical tiny moments I have each day
- one eye on the horizon so I can picture where we are going and start to get excited about being there
- gratitude for the ways which I know, I already have all of those things